The Abandoned Star Chapter 12 - Finally

Chapter 12: Finally

After sitting in my dressing room; thinking about everything; I chuck because the adventure was amazing because I just wanted that one thing; music. I needed it and I got it. Knock, knock. “Moe, you go on in five.” A voice sounded through the door. I looked into the mirror and smile. I have achieved the impossible. This feeling; words can not express this moment of my excited, joy and faith. I exhaled deeply, threw on my shirt and walked out on stage. The crowd started to scream my name. I looked down and saw Miguel, Rebecca and my mom sitting in the front row. I smiled! The music started:

“The Abandoned Star
It was worth the lifetime of achieving
Nothing feels greater then this dream I have reached
Only going higher because success is a journey
The destination doesn’t ends here
We are heading overseas to go globally
The frame that I have attained
My name is well known around the world
It won’t ever be over
This one is known
Abandon Star”

The Abandoned Star Chapter 11 - No More

“ALL ARISE.” I stood, then turned back and looked back at my mother and my brother. Right behind them Rebecca stood and I smiled. My heart felt a lot better knowing that she came because with her it’s whatever. She still stands by me and she proves that time over time and I love her for that. My lawyer stood up and faced the judge, “my honor, my client is not guilty. He was sexually raped by Fred Bogus on multiple accounts that lead to the actions of my client defending himself.” “How can you prove this to be accurate?” “Because my client is a writer; he carries a dairy around with him and document events, quotes and experiences in that book. He believes that a life worth living is a life worth recording.” “Do you have that book with you now,” the judge asked again. My lawyer walked up the judge and handed him the book. The judge took the book and skimmed through it then handed it over to the juries. “We are going to take a recess and give the jury some time to discuss the matter and cast their votes." I am sitting in my eight by eight; my head is pondering with thoughts. I was ready to give up; I was ready to surrender and admit my wrong doing. But a voice inside my head said, “Don’t give up because I haven’t given up.” I went back inside the courtroom when the judge called for me. A man in the jury stands up and said, “You honor, the jury have voted Moe Burneaster as not guilty of murder.” The judge turned to me and said, “Moe, can we hear you sing?” So I sang a song straight from my heart:

I have stood in the bottom of the pit
But somehow I knew that I was alright
I have been hidden for many years
But somehow I know that this is my time
That I will rise above all boundaries
The road blocks that was set before me
I have overcome boundaries
Structured, buildings, and obstacles
People, stop signs and road ways
All that creates boundaries
I used to see it from far
But once I got close
Bigger were my boundaries
I just knew that I had to overcome
I just knew that I had to keep going
Believing, if that is all I got
But yet love kept me going stronger
My boundaries couldn’t keep me down

“The Abandoned Star
For the first time the last time
I stood for me that rang the sound
The voice that rocked the room
Nobody knew I was the
Abandon Star”

The Abandoned Star Chapter 10 - The Runaway

I killed him. I did it for my freedom, my freedom to sing; my freedom to live and my freedom to achieve. I had to get rid of that road block; it didn’t matter how I got ridded of it but I had to overcome it. In my thoughts I am going back and forth because I know that killing is a crime and I could face live time in jail. Then how will I live my dream. I don’t know what to do. So I packed my book bag and jumped into the car and drove away. I must have driven about ten thousands miles before I decided to stop at a motel to get some sleep. BOOM! BOOM! “Open up, it’s the police!” I headed to the bathroom. The knocking on my door reminded me of the tapping that I heard every night. Tears were running down my face as I ran into the bathroom. I slammed the door. Then I felt the force upon the door; trying to open the bathroom door. “No! No! I don’t want to go back. I can’t do it no more. I refuse. Stop! No! Why, leave me alone! Stop! No. No. No. I can’t go back,” I screamed.

“The Abandon Star
Seems like Justice will be serve
It seems like I have to back down
It seems like I have to turn back
Seems like I am so far from my dream
Abandon Star”

The Abandoned Star Chapter 9 - I Want To Sing

I walked up the steps. Steps by steps; He smiled as I got closer. He put his hands behind my neck and guided me into my room. The flashback came; he ripped off my clothes; used his force to hold me down; I couldn’t resist; because he was much bigger than me. So many days and nights; I have dreamt that dream for the past few years. It has been happening every night, ever since my mother started to work her overnight job to support me and my brother; while he just sat at home and did nothing. I hated him for that and he will soon see my revenge on that; for using my mother to wipe his grown ass. He was already naked by time he closed the door. I backed away and fell back onto my bed. He walked up to me; it was so close that I could feel his breathing on my body’s hair. He leaned forward and laid right on it. I withdraw the knife that I grabbed in the kitchen. Blood started to drip from his mouth. I killed him because I wanted to sing.

“Abandon Star
I can not be sheltered away
Then who will know of me
I can not be hidden
Then who will know of me
The Abandoned Star”

The Abandoned Star Chapter 8 - Rape

Not all over again. I will not go through what my father had put me through. I am tired of crying; I am tired being weak. I have to take a stand; because I am the only that can stand for me. “Miguel,” I said as I open the door and there he was sitting on the chair in the boathouse getting head. She stopped. I closed the door and headed back inside. “Where is your brother,” my mother said. “He is in the boathouse with his girlfriend,” “what are they doing,” my mom asked. I snug my shoulder and walked away. I went into my room and locked the door. Next thing you know I am hearing tapping on my door. “STOP, STOP, GO AWAY, NO I DON’T WANT TOO.” Those voices started to play back in my head; I can’t take this anymore. I sneaked out my bed room window and headed over to Rebecca house. I had never had sex with her but I can say that I really enjoyed her company. In times that I don’t have anyone to listen or care about me; she is always there. I get a lot of loving affections from her and I admired it! And to me; that means a lot more than sex. After spending some hours with Rebecca; I knew that I had to head home. It was about one o’clock in the morning; I went into the kitchen because I have made up my mind. I stood at the bottom of the steps and there he was at the top.

“Abandon Star
Abandoned
Abandon star
Abandoned
The Abandoned Star”

The Abandoned Star Chapter 7 - Change of Heart

I can sing! I have been assigning my name up against everything that allowed me to showcase my voice. I have been networking and meeting so many people. Life feels so much better, if you could look into my eyes. The days that I have spent crying and sobbing; I am now writing and singing. I am here; the place where I have always dreamed of being. It felt like yesterday that my dad caught me watching TRL. It felt like yesterday when I first realize my dream. “Baby,” my mom said as she walked into the living room. I turned and there was someone new standing by her side. I got the feeling that something was not right about this. “This is my new boyfriend, Fred.” You have got to be kidding me; but I want my momma to be happy; so who ever she is happy with, I will be happy too. It was only a matter of time before Fred started to run things around the house. Miguel hated him and had nothing to do with him. There was a situation that happen; when Fred tried to tell Miguel what to do and he replied, “You are not my father! You can not tell me what to do!” And ever since then, the two never spoke again. Me and him didn’t fall out until he stepped to me and said, “You can’t follow your dream!”

“Abandon Star
Who is he to stop me from singing?
Who is he to enter my life?
Change it all around
Who is he?
The Abandon Star”

The Abandoned Star Chapter 6 - Free To Sing

I exhaled. Today is my father’s funeral and it has not hit me that he really is gone because in the back of my head I can still hear his voice. I rolled over on my bed and looked at the new suit that my mother has brought for me. Since that night, everybody in this house has been real quite and lost of words. For the first time in a long time the house is very quite. I have seen my mom cry about the lost but I think in the long run it will be better for her because she will no longer need to worry about my father abusing her. And now for the first time I can have her full support on my dreams and we no longer have to try and hide it from my father. I don’t know how Miguel feels about this because he was really close with dad. I tried to bring it up to him but he just gets up and walks away from me. I know he must really be hurt but he won’t let me talk to him. To be honest with you, I really don’t want to go to the funeral but I am being forced to. Everyone sat down in their chair as me, my mom and brother sat in the front row. “Family, brothers and sisters; we have lost a man but gained an angel; Matthew Burneaster was a good man and a great father to his family; he has brought two handsome looking sons into this world and showed them what it is to be a man and now, Miguel and Moe, it is now up to you to continue on that path; your father has set you on to be there and provide for your mother. Angela, I know this must be hard for you but you know that you have the church behind you; and we are here to support you through your difficulties because we know when times can get hard. Your husband is now smiling down on you and your family,” the pastor said as he began to sang, “I’m gonna fly away home, I’m gonna fly away home; home to the Father; the maker of heaven and earth; I’m gonna fly; I’m gonna fly; I’m gonna fly away home; I’m gonna fly away home.” My mother starts to sob into handkerchief. One of the ladies from the church placed their hands on my mother back, as I looked on. Miguel is trying really hard to hold back is tears and not to cry in front of everyone. My mother stood up, turned around and faced everyone. “You all know I have been a good woman to that man, I have bend corners until they couldn’t be bend anymore. I have given up my own dreams and my own visions to be with this man because I have loved him and till this day I do. This was not something I was expecting but I know the Lord; will not allow me to go through anything that I, myself could not make it to the end.” My mother starts brawling and it hurts to see my mom cry, I looked over at my brother as tears were rolling down his face. The pastor looked at me and said, “Young man, do you have anything to say?” I looked into the coffin and saw my father. I smiled.

“The Abandon Star
Is Free
I can sing
Is Free
No longer
Abandon Star”

The Abandoned Star Chapter 5 - Killing Dad

“Baby I am so proud of you,” my mom said as tears of excitement rolled her face. I walked up to her and hugged her because I knew I did my best even though I did not win. To me, it’s not about winning; it’s about getting people to hear my voice and letting them know that I have one. Some people came up to me asking me for my autograph but I am not a star yet. Wouldn’t you want to wait until I become one before you ask for it? I signed for them anyway because it feels good to know that people see you so great that they would like for you to give them your autograph. During the entire ride home, my mom couldn’t stop telling me how good I sound and how impressed she was with me. As we were turning into the driveway, my father was standing there. I quickly hopped out the car and went inside because I did not want him to ruin my evening. My parents stayed outside for some time before my father jumped into the car and drove off. “What are you smiling about,” Miguel asked me. “I just sang at the Apollo,” “why didn’t you tell me, I would have gone,” Miguel asked again. I don’t know why I didn’t tell him but maybe next time he can be there along with mom the next time I take center stage. I am just so excited right now. “Oh yeah, Rebecca called for you earlier,” my brother told me. Rebecca is my girlfriend; we have been seeing each other for about three months now and I really like her. She is a fun person to be around. So I headed over to her house and she opens the door. We sat down on her porch and talked for awhile then took a walk down the street. We saw Kevin and his girlfriend, Melissa, so we all decided to walk to Friendly’s and get ice cream. As we were walking back a car approached us going in the opposite direction. My father stuck his head out the window screaming, “MOE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT THIS LATE! WAIT UNTIL I GET HOME; YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT!” We all turned around as the car passed us, it seems like my father was trying to turn the car around but lost control. The car flipped over three times and slide into the light post. Flames were starting to build up. My father screamed out for help, “Moe! Come and help me.” It was either him; or my dreams, so I turned and walk the other way.

“Abandon Star
Someone placed the keys in my hand
Someone left the gate open for me
Someone uplifted the burden
Now can I be free
That Abandoned Star”

The Abandoned Star Chapter 4 - Confrontation

I won!!! Hearing everyone cheering me on as I walk back on stage; my eyes are filled with tears because I feel that much closer to being what I want to be. I am lost in words; I don’t know what to say. Mr. Knows, “Moe I am impressed, have you ever thought about doing opening mic at your age?” I have heard of it but never put it into consideration so I replied, “no.” “The city Apollo is having a youth completion this coming Saturday; I think you should take part. Where are your parents? I would love to meet them.” I looked down, “they couldn’t make it,” really I couldn’t tell him the truth. “I’m sorry to hear that,” Mr. Knows continue, “Here is my business card, use it ok!” I stood there looking at his card as he walked away. It’s time to head home. “Where the hell have you been,” my father screamed as I walked into the house. “I told you I was over Kevin’s house,” I replied. Kevin is my best friend; I was using him as a cover to make it to the talent show. “Didn’t you say you were spending the night, so you think you are all grown now because you are a teenager? Do you know what my father would have done to me, if I did what you did?” My mother stood at the kitchen door looking at me shaking her head. “I decided not to spend the night anymore;” “from this day on, you are no longer allowed to sleep over anybodies house.” “WHY? Mom you can’t let him do that,” I started to cry because I knew that I was going to need to be out of the house on Saturday. I ran up into my room. Every time I seem to be getting closer to my dreams, there is always something in my way, always something stopping me. Why does it seems so hard to follow your dreams but so easy to do wrong. I am tired of being treated this way but I have no time to cry because Saturday will be here before I know it. I took out a pen and paper, it time to write me a song:

Ohhh, oh, oh
Where do I run to? When there is no one to support me
Who can I turn to? When things get out of hand
Ohhh, oh, oh
Where do I?
Where do I-eye?

Look me in my eyes
You see the dried tears on my cheeks
Look me in my face
You see the baggage under my eyes
I’m tried of crying
No body can hear me
I’m tired of being alone
Who is going to stand for me?

Where do I?
Ohhh, oh, oh
Where do I run to? When there is no one to support me
Who can I turn to? When things get out of hand
Ohhh, oh, oh
Where do I?
Where do I-eye?

You are staring at me
Tell me what you see
If you are looking for me
I am lost some where in the

Knock, knock. My mom walks into my room. Mrs. Burneaster, “Moe baby it’s time that you stop living this fantasy fairy tales of yours. I am tired of it.” I put my pen down and faced my mother. Tears of fear were rolling down her cheeks. I swallowed my spit and said, “I know to you and dad this dream may seem a fantasy but to me its reality, I won the talent show at school today.” “You did?!” “Yes mom, you should have heard the way the crowd cheered me on. It was the greatest feelings ever.” My mom stood there like she was having second thoughts. “Baby, you know momma wants you to be happy but as long as your father is around; there’s not much help I can do for you,” my mother pleads. “Mom I don’t care what my father thinks, I have an open mic to go to on Saturday and he is not going to stop me from going.” I think my mom is starting to realize how important this is to me because she said, “I’ll take you!”

“Abandon Star
I must be high in the clouds
Cause everyone is looking up at me
I must be the one they want
Cause everyone is checking for me
The Abandoned Star”

The Abandoned Star Chapter 3 - Shows

Some years have gone by and now I am thirteen. I been a lot more involved with school activities; I have joined the choir team, and also doing musical plays. Pretty much anything that will allow me to use my voice. In a matter of a week, we are having the biggest event going down at my school: The Talent Show. I am stuck between which songs to sing; should I sing Amazing Grace or Jesus Loves Me? Either song I do, I am going to do my best but I want to blow the crowd away with my vocal ability. My family doesn’t know that I will be taking part in the talent show, not even my mom. For the past few years my mom has started to give up faith on me because of the way my father been abusing her. But I can say one thing my mother did was good; she taught me about the unconditional love that Jesus has for me. Knowing that people around me are starting to give up on me, I am starting to believe more in myself and entrusting my dreams in the Lord’s hands. I got to be a star!

“The Abandoned Star
On this day, I’ll stand tall
For this moment, I’ll soar high
Go this mile, I’ll skies the limit
A star reaching the impossible dream
Abandon Star”

The Abandoed Star Chapter 2 - Punishment

I don’t know what is on my mind. My dad caught me, so is my dream over? Everything that I have wanted this entire summer, does it ends here? I am sitting in my room thinking about nothing but the one thing I want most; music. After seeing my dad catching me watching TRL, I know he will be coming home earlier just to make sure that I am not watching it anymore. Miguel opens my room door, “Dinner is ready;” peeking his head in to let me know. As I am walking down the stairs, I can hear my father fussing about catching me watching TRL. There’s my mom just standing there, while my father is there yelling at her. Mrs. Burneaster said, “Honey, if that is something that he wants to do let him watch the show.” My father does not like to be cut off; nor does he like to be talked back to. Next thing you know my father raises up his and slap the shit out of my mother. I jumped in-between them, knowing that I can’t take on my father, yelling; “maybe I should tell mom what I saw you doing.” My father looked at me and I swear I had never seen that look on his face before. Mr. Burneaster roared, “Are you trying to tell me what I can not do in my house,” then made a fist and punched me in my face. There I am flying across the kitchen floor, while Miguel just stands there frighten. My mother runs over to me, dropping to the floor to hold me close to her; “you can not hit him like that” she yelled! I am in so much pain and my nose is bleeding. “Ouch. Ouch. Mommy; ittt hhuurrt.” I couldn’t stop crying. Next thing you know, my father walks over to my mom and grabs her hair, he is dragging her up the stairs. All you could hear is my mother screaming and fighting to get out of my fathers holding. As my father throws her into the room and slam the bedroom door. Miguel walks over to me and said, “Now look what you did.” She always takes the blame for when ever I do anything bad.

“Abandon Star
I’m sheltered
I’m locked in
Can you hear me crying?
My voice is on rising
Yes, I’m screaming
The Abandon Star”

The Abandoned Star Chapter 1 - Introduction

School just let out last week Friday; so here I am sitting in my living room, flipping through the channels to find something to watch. As I was going through the channels; I came across TRL on MTV. They were about to play the number one video of the day. The guy on the T.V. screen name is Carson Daily and he is the one that introduce the video to the wild crowd of teens in the audience. The number one video was Ja Rule ft. Vita & LiL’ Mo, “Put It On Me.” I never heard anything like this before. During the video, I was going nuts because it was the first time I had ever heard anything as sweet as music. After watching the video, I made up my mind that I want to be a singer and make my own music. So the next couple of days, you would find me sitting on my living room floor watching TRL. Doesn’t my life sound very peaceful, but it is not what it seems like. I cannot tell my dad because my older brother, Miguel, told me that the last time dad caught him listening to Biggie; dad threw him out his bedroom window and he broke his foot when he hit the ground. I am about to be ten years old; I doubt my body would be able to handle anything my dad could do to me. So I can’t tell my dad. My mom is very supportive but yet very weak and that truly is no help.

So for now, I am going to keep it to myself. Here I am midway through the summer. All the songs that were played on the TRL countdown, I knew them all by heart. Music had become the number one thing in my life. Night and days, I would dream about being in a studio or on stage performing a song. I started to take longer showers because most of the time I was daydreaming that I was a star. The excitement of my dreams was building me up; it sucks that I can’t tell anyone and also hides it from everyone. You are probably wondering; how I be getting away by watch TRL without anyone spotting me. I do not have to worry about my mom or my brother because they would not mind. My dad gets home a little after five pm, when TRL is done. I think that he might be a little suspicious of me because last week he was questioning me about why I stay in the shower for so long. I doubt my dad will ever catch me because I have been doing this all summer long and still have not yet been caught. If I could rewind the hand of time and take back what I just said; I would because one day my dad caught me, and it got real ugly. When I say ugly, I mean real ugly.

This is how it all happens: I was watching TRL and the new number one song was Ludacris, “What’s Your Fantasy?” Next thing you know, I heard the front door open but I didn't pay it no attention; I thought it was Miguel because he was outside playing with his friends. I looked out the corner of my eye to the left and there was my father. I froze. I felt all five of his finger on my head and you bet it hurt. I found myself curled up in the corner far away from the TV; I didn't know what to do. My dad is the type that doesn’t like to see you cry, or he will give you something to cry for; but if you are not crying then he will assume that he is not beating you hard enough and will continue. How do you cry without crying? I saw my dad saying something, but I couldn't make out completely what he was saying because I was still trying to recover from that hit he gave me. By time my senses came back to me, I realize that he wanted me out of the house. Without even hesitating, I got up and ran out the house.

I went outside and sat down on the steps; Miguel and his two friends, Tony and Rashawn, were playing three man footballs. Tony threw Miguel the ball and he caught it. Miguel notice that I came outside, so he walked over to me, "what are you crying about?" He asked me, "Dad caught me watching TRL and hit me." "You should be lucky that is all he did." Rashawn with his nasty attitude said, "What does the cry baby want," asking my brother. Miguel turned back to his friends and said, "He got in trouble with my father." I was not really like the conversation with my brother and I don't like his two friends. I just want to be left alone, so I decided to sneak back inside. I looked into the living room and my dad was sitting on the couch with his pants down, holding his penis in his hand. He seems to going up and down on it, so I peek around the corner some more and saw two naked females on the TV. I didn't know what to do next, so I just ran upstairs into my room. Should I tell my mom, what my dad was doing?

"Abandoned Star
Free to sing, free to live
Free to believe, free to accept
Free to dream, free to achieve
The Abandoned Star"